On Marriage and What It Means to Be One

For those who have been truly in love, I’m sure you will agree with me when I say that the most beautiful thing  when you’re in love it is that food tastes better and colors are a lot brighter – literally! Days are more exciting, and time passes by without you ever noticing it. Then there’s also the sad part of loving – the apprehension of not being together, or the fear of being apart.

Love is wonderful; it brings out the best in all of us! When two people marry, they idea is that they become “one”. Now my question is: what does this mean? As I understand it, and as I have been taught, being one means many things.

In marriage, as in most relationships, opposites attract. If you don’t agree, try to read on. More often than not, extroverts marry introverts (the noisy marries the silent type); optimists marry pessimists. Of course this is not absolute! This may not hold true to all; as well as to traits like height or weight, or skin color or race, but surely there is some truth to this.

Okay, so can you, even for a moment, try to look around and observe? Think about your married friends; or examine your own marriage. Did you and your spouse like the same things when you were in your early years of marriage? Did you like the same sport? Did you like the same type of movie? Did you like the same food? Chances are you did not! But here’s another truth: as we mature in our marriages, we begin to learn how to compromise, most especially if we truly and honestly love our spouse and we want our marriages to work. We learn to sacrifice and to be humble and understanding; kinder, gentler, nicer …

Well, you may not agree with what I am saying here, but I know a simple truth: husband and wife are supposed to complement each other. That is the essence of marriage. Think about this: if you already agree on all things, what will life be like for you? I’m sure it’ll be b _ _ _ ng!

So what about being “one” in marriage?

When people get married, they bring into the marriage their unique selves. Now this uniqueness, when not appreciated and respected, can be the source of contention and disharmony in marriage.

So what’s this uniqueness being talked about here? I’m talking about individual talents, skills, dreams, hopes, ambitions, aspirations, even eccentricities or weirdness (we all are weird in our own special ways hahaha!)

To be married means to bring two people together in a sacred ceremony; and the two begins to live a life as one – with a common goal, a common direction, and a common purpose. In the process of achieving or fulfilling those goals and ambitions, each individual must not, or should not, lose their identity. Why not? Because those unique traits are not there as mere accidents; they are there because they are supposed to help you develop yourselves into becoming better.

Here’s another thing: our uniqueness can both be good or not-so-good; but they exist for a purpose. When handled properly, these unique qualities help us develop virtues such as patience, humility, meekness, compassion, and a lot more others. When we are able to overcome our weaknesses, we become conquerors of our own selves; and as Napoleon Bonaparte said, we are then mightier than conquerors of cities and kingdoms; for isn’t it true that the self is the hardest to conquer?

In marriage, both partners –husband and wife – have specific roles to fulfill. These roles, when discharged to the best of our abilities, helps make a marriage a bit of heaven on earth. What are these roles? Men are to preside in the family; provide for the family; and protect the family. Women are to support the husband and nurture the children. A woman makes her home a refuge and a warm place where peace and love is felt every time, all the time.

In marriage, oneness means husband encourages wife to develop her skills and talents for her self-growth. In the same manner, wife encourages husband to become his best self, and she is the inspiration behind all his efforts and hard work. Oneness means mutual respect for each divinely appointed role. A familiar quote on marriage says something to this effect: looking at the same direction and walking towards that direction, holding on to each other for strength and wisdom …”

All marriages are works-in-progress; so here’s a counsel on how and where to begin to make our marriages work:

James E. Faust said: “Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to pray together. This will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before going to sleep. I do not mean to overemphasize differences, but they are real and do make things interesting. I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful.” 

Here’s the multi-million dollar question: do you love your spouse enough to do what you have to do to make your marriage work?

Just asking ;D


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