The past few days had been hard on me. For no particular reason at all, there persists this dampened feeling … sort of like a lonely emptiness … Day in and day out, the same feeling …
Have you ever experienced hearing a song and crying while listening to it? That feeling! I knew I had to do something. So I decided to read again my self-help books on depression. There was a time more or less three years ago when I felt the need to read about depression. I just lost a cousin during that time, and I never expected that I would be affected as I was.It happened again when my sister lost her youngest son almost Christmas day two years ago …
Those were my saddest days …
As I opened one book, I noticed a folded piece of green colored paper that was neatly pressed in between two pages. I opened it and there, written in black ink, was the answer I have been longing for.
It was a talk my daughter Ella gave during Sacrament Meeting years ago while she was still in the Young Women Organization. I am not sure where she got it, but I have this insistent feeling, a want to share this to as many, in the hope that this will help them (and you) the way it helped me get over the “sinking” feeling.
It did not miraculously remove the mist of darkness, but it did give me the right perspective, that I have a choice. I can either wallow in sadness and loneliness for reasons unknown to me, or I can choose to put all my efforts towards getting past the negative feeling, and face the day with a better resolve to look at the good things, like “counting my blessings …” and be grateful for what I have.
So here it goes …
I have a choice today.
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight.
I have responsibilities to fulfill today and I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy, or I can be thankful that the grass is being watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I do not have more money, or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health,
or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents did not give me when I was growing up, or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns, or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends, or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work, or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school,or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework, or I can appreciate that I have a place to call home.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped.
And here I am the sculptor who gets to do that shaping.
What today will be like is up to me.
I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
Every day we have a choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything!
And by the way, regarding the depression, maybe time is telling me something. That I am getting there he he he … old age is just around the corner. Estrogen levels going nuts … that sort of thing!
Well, I am thankful still; I don’t really look that old yet …
I hope =)